Why Can't I Just Be a Normal Dark Lord of All?
by AlternativeChick
Summary: Seriously, that's all I want. No mad men or birds or freak accidents, just to be a normal angsty teenager. I shouldn't have taken the Dark Lord post in the first place... It's all that Doctor's fault...
1. Ravens

**This came to me while searching the Webernets. I'll still try and continue this even if no one likes it. Stormageddon needs somemore fanfic lovin', don'tcha think? (wow, that's a lotta red lines under words…). But I'd still love opinions!**

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Is this what I get for trying to be a regular teenager? Madness and a man in his twenties dressed like an eighty-something-year-old librarian?

Wait, this isn't gonna make much sense without a bit of explanation. Er, I suppose the beginning would have been a better place to, well, begin.

You see, I've been a bit different than other sixteen year olds. At first I thought it was just bad luck, the accidents and mishaps and birds… Yes, birds. They stalk me everywhere I go. And I can't even have nice birds, I get ruddy ravens. My mum reckons I'm just 'special' but I know I'm cursed. There's a voice in the back of my head that says "Alfie, you're gonna die young and it's gonna be because you're not smart enough to stop skateboarding without pads while being chased by _ruddy ravens_."

Okay, not really, but that almost happened.

There I was just minding my own business, being Alfie Owens and whatnot, skateboarding home from school when at least five of the winged demons start chasing me. Wait, it gets better. There's this sound like an asthmatic PC starting up and a blur of blue and I'm out cold.

I came to on the pavement with a raven pecking at my head and someone asking if I'm alright.

"'Corse I'm not alri- _get off me!_" I shooed off the raven when I felt a beak almost go in my ear.

"Allow me to rephrase that, are you broken?"

When I looked up there was this bloke bent over with his hands on his knees. If the fact that he was in my bubble wasn't bad enough, he had crazy old man eyes and a haircut disturbingly similar to the ones I see them give each other at the insane asylum.

"What? No, and would you mind getting out of my face?" I said, extremely annoyed.

"Right, good," he said straightening up, "Because your dad would kill me if-"

"Wait, how do you know my dad?" I stood and looked over the man. Tweed coat, suspenders, a bowtie… Yes, he's defiantly out of the asylum.

"You are Alfie Owens, aren't you?" he was making me a bit uncomfortable looking me over, "Yeah, same eyes, but a more hair and height and teeth… You are Alfie Owens, aren't you?"

"You know what," I said kicking up my board, "I'm leaving. Goodbye."

I had only walked six feet when he called "I'll go with you then!"

_Just keep walking, Alfie, the police will take him back any time now…_

"Really, Craig and I go way back!"

_Someone just catch that creeper already…_

"You've left me no option! I'm going anyways, Stormageddon!"

That made me freeze. Stormageddon was what my dad and only my dad calls me when we joke around. Either this guy knew him or he was the best stalker in the world. Other than ravens.

I sighed, "Fine, but if Mum says I can't keep you, it's back to the wild!"

"That's what I like to hear!" he ran up to me with a crazy grin, "Lead the way."

If only I'd led him to the asylum… If only I'd listened to that voice for once…


	2. Doctor Nutter

**I feel the love and it is real! Seriously did not expect this big of a reaction when I posted this. Four positive reviews, 41 hits, on one favorite list, and six alerts from just the prologue! Depending on how well my medication works when I'm not in school, I'll try and update regularly, but until then, keep checking those emails for alerts!**

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"Mum! I found a stray, can we keep it?" I called as I walked through the door of my house, the nutter still following me.

"Your Mum's still at work, what are you-" my dad stopped talking after he saw the man behind me, "What…?"

"Hello, Craig!" he shouted, making mejump because I hadn't realized how close he was to me.

"You're in my face," I said, "_Again_."

"Sorry. Again."

"What is it this time, Doctor?" Dad said as if he were talking to an annoying child, "Alien teacher?"

"Ms. Flanagan is ancient and confused, not ET." I said.

"Gotta love his wit, eh Craig?" Doctor Nutter said, "But nothing bad this time, just some abnormal flux levels in the area, nothing to worry about. Oh yeah and I sort of hit Stormy with the TARDIS but he's fine."

"Almost none of what you just said makes sense." I told him.

"Good, good…" he was looking me over again, "that's good… Well I best be off then. Goodbye."

The Doctor-whoever turned around and left as if it were the most regular thing in the world, leaving the door wide open.

"Alfie-" Dad started, but I cut him off.

"No, I don't want to know. Today never happened. I am going to bed."

I was half way up the stairs when he called "I was just going to ask if you had homework!"

* * *

I woke up at three in the morning (still in my school clothes) to the disturbingly farmiliar wheezing PC and a flashing light.

"Not this again…" I muttered as a blue box faded into view. I rolled over so that my stomach was on the bed and shoved my pillow over my head. _This is a dream. Yesterday was a dream. You're going mad, Alfie._

"Alfie!" I need your help!" the voice of that insane doctor said, "Those ravens—Stormy?"

_You're dreaming. You're dreaming. You. Are. Dreaming._

"The fate of the world depends on this!"

_You're dre… This only works when the teacher is calling names, doesn't it?_

"Please, Alfie!"

I sighed and sat up, "What does the fate of the world have to do with demon birds?"

Doctor Nutter was standing in the doors of what appeared to be one of those blue phone boxes from the 60's, the light coming from inside it was bright and I had to squint. _Maybe you ARE dreaming… _"That's it; they might not be birds at all," he said, "That is why I need you to help me catch one."

"Can I go back to sleep afterwards?"

"Yes."

"Fine," I dragged myself out of bed.

"We haven't got time for this!" he grabbed my arms and pulled me into the box.

_Or maybe you're the mad one here…_ Bigger on the inside. How can anything be bigger on the inside? _Nothing_ can be this big on the inside. I'm either mental, dreaming, or in a really good steam punk movie, none of which are good options. I hate steam punk.

"Yes, yes, I know," the doctor said from the center of the room where this sort of control panel thing with a cylinder going up into the ceiling in the middle, "We'll do the 'in awe' thing later. Hold on."

Before I could even react, the entire room was shaking. I fell backwards into the doors and they flew open. I grabbed the edge of the floor of the box but I couldn't pull myself up. There was wind lashing at my body in what looked like a tunnel of storm clouds flashing blue and purple in spots. The doctor grabbed my arms and started pulling but it felt like the wind was trying to pull me into the tunnel. A painful surge went through my body and I couldn't tell if I was falling or if the wind was getting more intense as I lost consciousness.


	3. Real Life Aliens

I woke up to a blur of green and blue. When my vision cleared, I could see this really pretty blonde girl who looked about fifteen looking down at me. Her mouth was moving but all I could here was white noise. It faded away after a moment but she had stopped talking then and just stared at me concerned.

"Am I in heaven?" I asked stupidly. She giggled. I almost never use that word, in fact, I find it really annoying, but the way she laughed was a giggle.

"I'm flattered, but no you're in the USA," she said.

"I have no idea how I got here," I said even more stupidly than before.

"Well you just fell out of my oak tree…"

I sat up slowly and she moved aside, sitting beside me as I just stared ahead, "I was in my bedroom," I stated, "Colchester, England, the UK, I was on the other side of the ocean. I'm on the other other side of the ocean now on a farm. That is a cow, I am on a farm."

"Yep, that's what my family does," she sighed exasperatedly, "Agriculture."

"I'm in America," I said stupidly, just to be sure it was real, "Urg, I'm having a headache in America…"

"Well if you somehow flew from England and fell out of a tree, I think you'll get a headache."

I fell backwards and by back hit the oak. This was just too much to handle. First that mad Liberian, then the big/small box, then the thunder tunnel, and now I'm in America. _I am losing my mind…_

"You look sick maybe we should-"

She was stopped by a huge flash of blue light on the horizon and a blast of wind that sent ripples through the tall grass and hit me like a shockwave. The wind died and the light faded after a moment, and then the girl stood and started walking towards it without a word.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked her.

"I'm having an adventure," she said plainly.

"That could be terrorists for all you know!" I told her. That is what they're always getting worked up about, right?

"Nah, they just want attention," she kept walking, "And this is not the place to get it. Look I'm going and that's that. You're welcome to follow me."

She started walking again and I got a terrible feeling in my stomach. I never really wanted to find out when something strange happens and I tend to avoid it at all costs, but something was telling me to go with her. Stupid hormones…

I leaned against the tree as I stood and shook away the spots in my vision, "I'm going with you!"

"As long as you don't slow me down!" she said without stopping.

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We walked on in silence for the longest while, but eventually I asked her name.

"Lindsay," she said.

"I'm Alfie."

"You don't look like one…"

"What do you mean?"

"Your make doesn't fit your face," she said, "You look more like a Sammy or something with an s…"

I laughed a bit, "Stormageddon?"

"What?"

"I dunno, this mad friend of my dad called me that when I was a baby and it just stuck."

Lindsay smiled, "Stormageddon…"

I never really had an opinion on American accents, as long as it wasn't obnoxiously Southern, but hers make me love them from that day on. It wasn't just the accent either, she was just gorgeous and almost seemed like she was radiating a happy golden aura, like her personality was shining through. True beauty…

"Get down!" Lindsay warned me suddenly.

Something was approaching us through the grass which was a lot taller than I had first thought and a few inches over my head. It sounded like something on muffled wheels trying to go over unleveled land. I caught a small glint of something reflective.

"What is that?" I asked in a whisper, then realized how stupid of a question that was. She put her hand over my mouth as soon as the words came out and all was eerily quiet for a moment. Even the subtle breeze that I had felt earlier had stopped.

"_EXTERMINATE__**!**_" a metallic voice called and a blue streak flew past me, blasting through the grass.

"Come on!" Lindsay ran in the direction of the thing we'd seen earlier, but after that I would have run the other way. Another streak narrowly missed me and I figured away in general was good.

"Lindsay!" I whispered loudly when I saw her just standing there, "We have to get out of here, that thing… oh no…"

She wasn't just standing there, as I discovered getting closer to her. We were standing on the edge of a dent in the land where all greenery had been completely obliterated. But the more frightening part was the huge copper colored flying saucer steaming with part of it stuck in the ground and the open hatch only ten yards away from us.

"Real life aliens…" Lindsay muttered under her breath. She took a step forward, but I stopped her.

"Really? You're just going to walk in?" I asked, "You might as well just say 'hi, I'm a human, come probe me'."

"We've come this far, Alfie, what's that point in going back?"

"Call the police or something, don't just go in!"

"Yes, because 'there are aliens in my yard' is much better than what you said."

I sighed, "You know what, I'm turning around an—" There was a rustling behind me that sounded disturbingly familiar, "Probing sounds fine."

With that said Lindsay and I walked quickly up the ramp and into the dimly lit alien craft with no idea what we were getting ourselves into…

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**Yeah, I went with Daleks.**


End file.
